tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
are you so shy because you have an std?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Will exercising make me less horny?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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