Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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