I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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