Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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