Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
