you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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