Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
