Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize