she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He? As in you personified your dick?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
