UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
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