Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
