his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
