Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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