Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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