I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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