You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize