he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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