Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
