I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize