Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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