There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize