a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
