I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
