yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
