So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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