Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
