I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I wish i was in the wii world.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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