keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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