So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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