hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
