i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
