never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
