where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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