I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Randomize
