if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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