OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
