Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
