I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
