swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
