I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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