I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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