fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
