Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
