someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
