The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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