My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
