I got chris browned last night
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
