I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize