i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
