I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
