my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
