you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
do nipples grow back?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
