If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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