i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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