Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
