Your face is a jimmy john
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
