We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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