Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
