i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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