Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
