This house was built for laser tag.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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