what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
