Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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