take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
