I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
i think i just lost a toe
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
