We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Non-Jews are for practice
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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