Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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