I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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