My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
