I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
