I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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