We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
