i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
