I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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