i think my tv is drunk
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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