Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
