I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
